Why Me?

I got tagged by Maverick some time back. So, here I am - revealing deep, dark secrets. However, since I am too lazy to write out all the answers now, I am revealing them a few answers at a time. Will append when I think of others. By the way, if anyone has any suggestions for the list, please let me know.

WARNING: What follows is terribly self-indulgent and I can't see why anyone would want to read this, or even write an entire list like this.

Seven things to do before I die:

• Watch World Cup Final, preferably Holland vs. Germany/ Argentina. Holland wins 5-2. By the way, there's only one 'World Cup', which is football.
• Revive one magazine from the 1980s or 1990s. Top contenders now are Gentleman or Target
• Learn to play bridge and poker.
• Teach. Preferably as a profession and not as a hobby. Now if only they would take out correcting the papers bit.
• ...
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Seven things I can't do:

• Snap my fingers, and hence had to go for the toilet or water cooler, to avoid embarassment, whenever my teacher wanted to sing this silly nursery rhyme.
• Drive legally or properly. I don't have a license, nor did I go beyond two-three runs on the road with my father. Obviously, I turn this into my advantage by pretending to be environmentally friendly (on my bicycle), one with the masses (in buses) and cool (while hitch-hiking)
• Eat vegetarian food for more than three days at a time. Like all men having a Bengali Brahmin heritage, there are two things I know about food - One, always eat in the first batch in any communal buffet or sit-down dinner and Two, focus on protein, which in my case, comes from desserts made from milk (Bengali sweets) and meat (lamb or chicken or mutton or beef or pork or fish or squid or prawn or...)
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Seven things that attract me to Europe:

• Autumn, when every photograph looks like a Manet.
• Sausages, of all types. Though the favourite is Bratwurst. Incidentally, bratwurst goes very well with haryali kababs. I did that once with a part of the 5 kg load that I brought back from Germany.
• Beer, a different ale served in every city/ town. Favourites include Kölsch and Weissenbier. Lowenbrau rocks, though no beer purist will say this.
• The Two Cities in the Tale, one of which I spent four magical days in, and the other which I have touched at Heathrow.
• Cities which have stayed back in time. Brugge, Venice and Toledo
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Seven excellent books:

• All Quiet on the Western Front
• Left Hand of Darkness
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Seven good movies:

• Casablanca, just for that scene at Rick's, when the two songs fight against each other.
• Katha, for the moment when Naseeruddin Shah finds out that Dipti Naval is actually in love with Farookh Shaikh. I can watch Naseer letting out nervous laughter to mask the heartbreak again and again.
• .....
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People to tag:

Just what I needed...

...is this latest plaything. It's a tool in case the Goscinny in you doesn't have a Uderzo to help you get along. It helps you create comic strips from photos from either Flickr or other uploaded by you. Lovely it is.

Here's my first and possibly last ENTRY - "Standing Tall in Delhi, Hanging Up in Mumbai".

By the way, not sure how the copyright stuff works for this, since it uses photos from Flickr. Who's checking the licenses for these images? Whose responsible if the photos are misused (my comic strip is most probably violating the copyright)? Let me know if you find out. Also, let me know if the photos are yours. I will be happy to remove them from the comic strip.

Bill Gates pushing Apple...

here. Just before he turned despot.

For the whole series of Apple ads with Wired commentary, go here.

Another outrageous blasphemy

Soon after we (all Indians) have recovered from outrageous tissue papers, posters, paintings and cartoons, a hippie store on the web has decided to offer the shivling on a thong.

It's distasteful (check out the ugly green colour), chauvinist (obvious phallic reference), outrageously expensive (Saare Paanch Sau rupaye ek chaddi ke liye? or 550 rupees for a G-string?) and suffers from bad puns (supplies are tight, it says). Time for us to protest, I say.

Do you think I have a...

...beer obsession?

Ek Mahatwapoorn Suchana...

is here.

Finally, at least 6-7 people are meeting on Saturday. For us, it's a start of a move towards world domination. Bangalore, Pune, Kolkata watch out!!

Sad Tidings

From here.
"I have received some very unpleasant emails, how would your Prophet have reacted to some of the violent, threatening and aggressive emails that I have received" says Peter Schipperheyn, sculptor of the sculpture 'formerly known as Thus Spake Zararthustra' on his web-site.

For a Parsi's point of view on the issue, go here. For a typical right-wing fanatic's response, go here.

The sculptor says here,

"In conclusion I apologize for the upset that I have inadvertantly caused, however I am concerned that my intentions are being misconstrued and misread, this greatly concerns me. I have not worked so hard for so many years to simply upset people. I feel that I have a responsibility to the world and the beauty of creation to do good, to inspire, to live a purposeful life.

The Gallery [who are not resposible for the naming or otherwise of my sculpture] where this sculpture will be installed has asked me to erase the name, I have agreed to this but I am saddened that this must be done. In my eyes the sculpture remains, but “he” will be stripped of something powerful that I think empowers the viewer, especially the western viewer. I have been so wound up in my own thoughts and excitement about the significance of what I am trying to do that I did not countenance that my artwork would stir up the opposite of what I hoped for."

Sounds familiar.

Draw a pig

Your pig-drawing and your honesty will reveal your character. Go here.

The Most Valuable Thing in the World

is the head of a dead cat. Yes, you heard me right.

Economic Times's Agenda

While I don't agree with Ganashakti's contention that "The throwing up of the billionaires is the result of enlarging the size and deepening the misery of the “other end of the social ladder”, in Billionaires: Growth of Plunder, I am with them when they rubbish Economic Tabloid's claim that "The very process that makes billionaires out of the more enterprising also throws open windows that bring new light and cheer into lives at the other end of the social ladder"

In fact, The Economic Tabloid has over the last few years been vociferous about Indians getting richer (even richer than China*!). On the other hand, unemployment has been rising and most probably income distribution's getting skewed as well**. This, however, doesn't get as much attention.

I did a test on my hypothesis by doing a google search on the terms poverty, fashion designer, unemployment, rich on ET etc. and here's what I found in terms of number of entries in that tabloid:

Poverty: 502 entries
Unemployment: 240 entries
Fashion: 12,800 entries
Rich: 26,400 entries

Mercedes: 356 entries
India Shining: 167 entries
Suicide: 268 entries

Farmer: 240 entries
Fashion Designer: 225 entries

Super Rich: 149 entries
Poverty Line: 193 entries

Medha Patkar: 9 entries
Rohit Bal: 134 entries
Verghese Kurien: 54 entries
Warren Buffet: 44 entries
Bill Gates: 399 entries

Caviar: 17 entries
Jowar: 54 entries
Zunka Bhakar: 0 entries
Mid day meal: 65 entries
Champagne: 369 entries

Derivatives: 406 entries
Micro-finance: 145 entries

Obviously the test is flawed on various counts. Firstly, the terms might be out of context in certain articles, which neither Google nor I can determine. Secondly, the terms have not been chosen blindly or randomly but are words which came to my (possibly biased) mind. I am sure you will be able to come up with many more flaws, but then this is not my thesis either.

Having put in the caveats, I would say that the test proved my point. In fact, some of the learnings were surprising for me.

ET has almost as much news on fashion designers (200 crore industry as on farmers (30% of economy). Rohit Bal scores way above Medha Patkar and Verghese Kurien. Super Rich is almost as important as Poverty Line. Mercedes is about to catch up with Poverty. Lastly, champagne does pretty well compared to jowar, zunka bhakar, mid-day meal.

I wonder whether there's a correlation between rise in space hired out to Medianet, the Bennett, Coleman-owned PR agency which writes news in the TOI group newspapers and increase in news about 'India getting richer'. I hope somebody with access to archives and enough time on one's hand would do this study.

*Which is okay. However, what is more important is that China's per capita income is 3-4 times ours.
**I don't have facts to back this as the latest Economic Surveys don't have data on BPL data or the Gini coefficient.

Einstein on Relativity

Go make your own.

Overheard on DD-1

Even after Kaif takes Collingwood's catch off Harbhajan:

"Lagbhag aakhir tay ho gaya hai ki shayad yeh match Bharat awashya jeet jaye!!"

"Almost finally, it has been decided that India might definitely win the match."

In there's something known as putting a stake in the ground, then this is possibly tentatively prodding the ground with a twig.

More on Duct Tape

Following on from my previous entry on duct tape, please do not try THIS at home. Read Warning! Danger! Stupid Idea Alert! instead.

"We have also heard of kids duct taping themselves to the wall in crucifix position - and having to call the paramedics because they started suffocating (feet need to be properly supported).And, of course there is the bladder and kidney damage that can happen..."

Are you a philistine?

Are you a philistine?. Hat Tip: Srin.

For your information, I got 75% in the 2 art quizzes I took. Didn't have the patience to read through Bulwer-Lytton or Dickens bit and I was laughing too much to distinguish Faulkner from Google translation.

Germany??

taken at JNU just after the rally.

While my guitar gently weeps...

...Beatles vie for a slice of Apple.

Bad Omen??

Dravid walked out on chaotic press conference yesterday. An ill-managed press conference is probably a bad omen for the Indian cricket team.

Last time, such a thing happened was before the Pak Test Series. We all know how that series ended.

Sweet dreams are made of these

Read Husband says talaq in sleep; couple in trouble. Moral of the story: Do not discuss your dreams with friends. However, now that the precedent has been set, I can see many similar incidents going forward:

I resign: Sonia Gandhi said "I resign" 3 times in her sleep. In the morning, she disclosed this to a few close friends. Now, the matter has reached Madan Lal Khurana, who insists that Sonia will have to spend 100 days in the Parliament and will have to spend a day with Uma Bharti. Only if Uma Bharti says "I resign", which is difficult because she doesn't have much to resign from, will Sonia be allowed to resign again. In a related development, Amar Singh is closely monitoring Mulayam Singh's sleep.

I am not fit: Viru Sehwag said "I am not fit" 3 times in his sleep. In the morning Aarti Sehwag confided in John Gloster, who sent an email to the BCCI. This email has now been leaked (obviously) and has reached the "Saurav Ganguly for Opener" Party of India. SGOPI is insisting that Viru has to spend 100 hours in Behala, working on the printing press. Viru will be declared fit only if the printing press employees in Behala deem so.

In other unsusbtantiated reports, the CBSE chairman has been found saying, "there were mistakes in correction", Chappel has been found saying, "At least I am making a lot of money", Aishwarya Rai has been found saying, "I am more than good friends with Abhishek". More to follow...

Time to pack up and leave

Jennifer Lopez to croon in Mumbai, says HT. I can bet that this will be the largest ever concert in India featuring a Western 'music'-ian.

Remind me to be in Bangalore that weekend.

Empty

Fact 1: From her diary.
I met this creep today. He was puny and I could have smashed his balls in, if needed. Thankfully, it wasn't.

He deliberately slowed down his pace the moment I crossed the road to his side. I had to go to Vishvas's. It was a ten minute walk from IHC. The moment I crossed the road, he slowed down. It was really dark. Why do all men here do this?

Till then, all I had to contend with were cars. If you stayed within busy roads and kept frequent watch behind your back, you were okay. Today, this guy was in front of me. I had to keep watch on both sides. I could heave a sigh of relief when I reached Vishvas.

Fact 2: My account
Yesterday, I had to walk from the Alliance Francaise to the Ring Road (Oberoi's) before I got an auto-rickshaw. It was 9:30 pm.

While there was nobody really who threatened me, nor anyone who made any illicit noises or gestures, I went through several Why-is-this-car-coming-so-close moments. The ones that make you screw in your shoulders, clench your fist and step up your pace. Like a cat which raises its tail.

That is when I saw this woman cross the road right in front of IHC. She was alone. She was blonde and about 30 years old. Prime target if there was one. She joined in, three-four steps behind me. Somehow, my breath slowed down. Next time the car came up from behind, I actually slowed down my pace.

I knew that now I was not in as grave a danger anymore. Instead, I could potentially become a hero, by saving her*. We walked for five minutes. Maintaining the same distance. Soon, she took a right turn into one of the houses.

I stepped up my pace again.

*I feel quite stupid now. She could have defended herself as well as I could have.

"We are all Indians"

A friend of mine writes about feeling Indian in an Afghan restaurant in Prague in his diary. Reminds me of the night in Paris.

It was our second last night in Paris. We were coming down from Montmartre when we decided that we had been there and done that. The only thing left to do was to buy the T-shirt.

So we entered the largest of the souvenir shops on the Place du Tertre. It was run by Indians. Which was a big surprise since we were yet to come across Brussels, where most of these shops were run by Pakistanis or Bangladeshis.

After a lot of rummaging through scarves, key-chains, hats, posters, coasters, soft toys and the like, we reached the T-shirts. PJ found himself drawn towards the Starry Nights t-shirt. It would have been more appropriate for Amsterdam or Saint-Remy or MOMA. But then, he must have reasoned that art is universal. In the same shop, I found my favourite painter. Plus, this was the right thing to buy in Paris. Now the fun part of shopping remained.

Yes, bargaining. Having learnt our alphabet in Fashion Street and Palika Bazaar respectively, PJ and I were ready. Plus, we were accompanied by two female friends (who between them were buying two T-shirts). The shopkeepers were a forty-year old Indian expat and his brother. Almost unfair odds.

"How much?" P-K4
"10 Euros" P-K4
"Five hundred rupees?" B-B4
"10 Euros" P-Q3
"But we are students. Some discount for us." Kt-KB3
"Okay, how many will you buy?" B-Kt5
"Four T-shirts, we can't pay more than 20 euros for all of them", we said walking away. Kt-B3
"Okay, then don't buy. I can't give more than 1 euro discount. We buy these T-shirts at 8 euros each" P-KKt3 ?!
"We are poor students. You won't let us buy a T-shirt each to take back home?" said PJ. KtxP!
"Okay, you buy four T-shirts. I give you at 7 euros." BxQ??
"But we are Indians. While we can give you more than 5 euros, 250 rupees is all our parents would want us to spend." BxP ch
"Okay, but don't tell anyone else that you have got it cheap. We also Indians and can understand." K-K2 fcd
"Yes, we are all Indians. Here's the 20 euros" Kt-Q5 mate

P.S. Chess moves represent Legall's mate, one of the simple yet beautiful concepts ever.

How many have you done?

Sorry, this is my second post on beer in a day. But it is terribly hot in Mumbai and I can do with one more.

So, how many of you have seen a poster with fifty different beer bottles on it? We used to have one at B-School and after my exchange term, my count on it had gone up to 18. Now, it is around 24.

That's one way to look at the variety in beers.

And then there's this one (from Alabev.com):I don't have to say more.

Stick to Beer

Falstaff is having problems being a Tea-totaller. When we were together, he used to prefer C2H5OH to tea. I would suggest that he should switch back, instantly. To Beer.

You know, beer is similar to tea in many ways:
1) It is fragrant.
2) It is refreshing.
3) Liking the drink is a matter of acquired taste.
4) Acquiring the taste is as complex for beer as tea. Beer can be grassy, worty, cooked veg., powdery and burnt (amongst other qualities) while tea can be bakey, biscuity, burnt, flat, moldy, ragged or woody (amongst others).

However, beer is not really like tea and has many advantages:

1. It is difficult to spoil beer*. I said difficult and not impossible. Once Maverick did manage to mix ice-cubes with the beer and thoroughly spoiled it. This was in the middle of summer and we didn't have any other way to cool the beer (so I forgive him).
2. It does not require preparation. This does not mean that there is no ritual involved - Getting crispies, nuts, finger food, sitting in front of a TV to watch a game or under a shady tree on a hot day is preparation. But, none of these would seem like hard work. Compare this to the amount of work involved in mixing the right proportion of water and leaves, boiling it for the right amount of time and then serving in dainty little glasses.
3. While the 'aroma' of tea being prepared leaves some sort of smell across the kitchen and sometimes intrusively wafts into a drawing room, most beer makers are more intelligent and equip the bottle with a narrow neck, thus not wasting the aroma on non-drinkers. However, if you insist on sniffing it, either pour it into a nice glass and take deep breaths or attend Oktoberfest.
4. Beer comes in neat bottles or cans which can be sold to the raddiwala. I haven't heard of any raddiwalas willing to give Rs. 2 for each tea-bag or the carton in which it comes. Complete waste results.
5. Moreover, if you are not into raddiwalas or giving back to society, the beer bottle can be used to grow money-plants. What can a tea-bag be used for?
6. There is no Zakir Hussain reliving the same stale ad on television year on year.
7. If it goes stale, it can be used on one's hair (ask Catherine Zeta Jones).
8. Beer is better than both women and men. Tea is probably only better than a chipmunk or a hamster.
   
9. Lastly, just compare the two photographs: Beer vs. Tea.
   

Beer's better than Tea. QED.

* though there are bad beers like Hayward 5000. But then there are bad teas as well.

"Banata Party"

I don't whether I am seeing something which doesn't exist, but it's interesting how Chinese national news agency highlights the Left's views on the Sonia Gandhi issue while ignoring the SP, Arun Jaitley and other notables.

Also, they refer to the BJP as the Banata party!! Would have been great if they had referred to SP as the Sanata party as well. Go read the Xinhua - English article.

Failure of democracy??

Beeb thinks that the Sonia Gandhi issue is but a failure of democracy within the Grand Old Party.

Read it here: Gandhi's 'dysfunctional' party.

I think that it is a failure on the part of BBC to understand the emotional Indian voter. They are applying British standards to Indian politics.

Having said that the ordinance move was stupid and unnecessary and probably a result of the dysfunction.

"I just wanted to be first"

Knowledge quizzers will ask about the claim to fame of Jamea Jackson in the next few years. Good quizzers will ask, "Jamea Jackson watched her groundstroke land close to the sideline, and when it was called out, she sensed a chance to make a little history. What happened next?"

What happened was the start on instant replay in professional tennis at Key Biscayne. The start was interesting as the Jamea appealed, even though she knew that the call was right. For the chance to make history.

The match went on smoothly even though four appeals were made.

Obviously, there are detractors: "It sounds like a good idea, getting every line call correct. But think about it: Most incorrect calls even out in a match; the pros will tell you that. Meanwhile, turning contested line calls over to a supposedly infallible eye in the sky penalizes the stronger-willed player who can absorb a bad break and remain composed and resolute. Maybe this is why Roger Federer, the cool Swiss, is opposed to using the technology." from here. But I am all for it. If we can use technology and it doesn't slow down the game (how can it if there are already so many breaks in play and all you are doing is preventing a longish argument and grumbling?), let's go ahead. Damn the Luddites.

Now, if only they will do the same in football. This experiment is an interesting first step, though it won't be present in the World Cup. Go here for an informed view on the debate. Come back if you want to debate this further.

"May the Worst Idol Win"

Wired News carries a piece on VotefortheWorst.com, which is pumping for a baby-faced singer who can't sing (remember Qazi) in this year's American Idol.

I'm sure this web-site will have an Indian spin-off soon.

Bigger Breasts, Smaller Warts, Formal Wear and Air Scrubbers on space missions

can all be made from Duct-tape. Find out here, here and here.

And in case you want to make a bag out of it, here are the instructions.

And just in case you need a shiny plastic sculpture of yourself (maybe one corner in the living room is empty), here's how you should get it done.

Go Play.

Open Quiz @ Pune

Interrobang: "March Open Quiz" has details for the Pune Open Quiz Gaurav and others might be going to this weekend... 2 member teams are invited.

I am unfortunately in Delhi this weekend as friend of mine is in town after a couple of years.
Btw, plans are still on for the April 1 inauguration to the Bombay Quiz Club. Friends in Delhi have heard about this idea too. So, we (I) can't go back!!

Arun had a specific suggestion for the format: a quizzing party at Cafe Mondegar starting 11:00 in the morning (everyone brings 10 questions). I think that place will be too crowded. Suggestions are welcome.

Tambrahmo Sapien Punjabeii

Bee has a description of the Tambrahmo Sapien on his occasional journal.

"When 2 Tam Brahms meet, they discuss a third, when 3 meet they discuss other species' members, when more than 3 meet, they discuss topics like 'Comparative growth rates in standards of living of China and India' or 'Changes in socio-cultural patterns of urban India fuelling prosperity in rural India' or 'the inherent fallacies in the parliamentary democracy system' with their collective decibel levels of discussion varying in direct proportion to the proximity of non-tam Brahms, especially those possessing XY chromosome. A lone tambrahm has this brooding intellectual look about him giving an impression that he is trying to mentally divide 233 by 17 while he is actually benchmarking himself vis-à-vis other tambrahms and later on with other homo sapiens as well. This is a favorite pastime of the Tam Brahms."

I found out that the one redeeming quality of this species is that they are "consciously self-effacing and painfully modest".

However, this quality is painfully open to induced mutation, which can create monsters out of the modest fellows. Biggest cause of such induced mutation is exposure to the Punjabee sun, which has a dangerously high quotient of boasts. This excites the mild Tambrahmo DNA and makes them painfully immodest about their achievements (which are many). This mutation is restricted to males of the species.

These mutants (called Tambrahmo Sapien Punjabeii) can cause immense harm within a radius of 10 metres, and are especially dangerous to ear-drums. Also, they mysteriously turn into babe-magnets and their sacred thread would have many notches detailing their conquests. A particularly dangerous mutant was caught hitting on forty-three women within an hour, while propounding on the rising Sensex. Often these men are found in Ivy League Business Schools or senior and middle management positions in MNCs in India.

They are generally difficult to tell from ordinary Tambrahmos though they sometimes give themselves away with flashy branded clothes and accessories (dark glasses, french beards, newest Nokia cellphone).

P.S.: I hear that Bee's blog is blocked/ unaccessible in certain places. Some offices believe that his harmless journal (mostly harmless) is a porn site. Hopefully, the problem will go away. Otherwise, I will, with his permission, post the entire tract.

Answers to Quiz and Bombay Quiz Club

The answers to the quiz posted last week are below. But first, an announcement:

About 10 people have expressed deep interest in the Bombay Quiz Club. We are planning the first quiz on Saturday, 1st of April afternoon (what better date than April Fool's Day?).

Do mail me your phone numbers/ contact details on and we can send out the details to you. If the number of people in the first meeting is manageable (less than 10), we can do a quiz party over beer (everyone brings 10 questions), otherwise we will have a quiz. Venue to be decided.

1. Danish Baig Nakhtar Baig, Bhopal; Akhil Ahmad Azmi, Azamgarh UP, born June 20, 1965; Abraham Mohsin Ali, Karachi; Usman Khan; Mohasin Ali Arsalan, Sharjah; Mohammed Anwar (son of Bibi Raza), Pakistan; Kumar Ramesh. What’s common?
ALL ALIASES OF ABU SALEM

2. When United Airlines filed for bankruptcy in 2002, trading in this currency was the only business that made money for them. Indeed, calculations by The Economist in January 2005 suggested that the total stock of this currency was worth more than all the dollar bills in circulation. 163 million people own this around the world. What currency?
FREQUENT FLYER MILES

3. Britain, in 1600; Holland, in 1602; Denmark, in 1616; France, in 1664; Sweden, in 1731. What is the series?
EAST INDIA COMPANIES

4. In 1987, a customer at a computer store, was looking for a simple, basic book about the difficult DOS operating system. "Something," he suggested, "like ____." This led to Dan Gookin, coming out with the book in 1991. What did he say?
DOS FOR DUMMIES

5. Lazy Bones was the first one, but people tripped over it. Flashmatic used photocells and thus, sunlight could trigger it off. Space Command was the first successful one, using mechanism similar to the trigger of a gun - that stretched a spring and then released it so that a small hammer would strike the end of the aluminum rod. What is this?
REMOTE CONTROL

6. Fans watch from an area officially known as Aorangi Park, but more commonly called ______. The "hill" takes its name from local favourite _____. The hill may be renamed as Mount Murray, or Murray Field (after the Scottish rugby stadium). Fill in the blank.
HENMAN HILL/ HENMAN

7. This project has encroached upon the environmentally sensitive Mulshi lake and Koriyagarh fort area. In 1997, HC had stayed construction. However, construction is complete now, with a Titanic and a pirate ship, amongst other grandiose-s. What project?
AMBY VALLEY

8. May 25th is celebrated as (among other things) World ______ Day. The entire concept came about when someone had gone to Greece on a holiday, and had a regular problem at the beach because of a missing ________, which inspired this person to create the piece of work that inspired World _______ Day. Fill in the blanks
TOWEL

9. How do we know 'British committee for relations with other countries' set up in 1934 better as?
BRITISH COUNCIL

10. What brand comes in the following flavours – Glutamate Grape, Beta Carroty, Sugar-Free Radical, Sero-Tonic Water?
GOOGLE GULP

11. The most exalted order of the star of India awarded by the Queen was an order of chivalry instituted in 1861 and discontinued in 1947. A version of the emblem still being used by one particular organization. Which?
“The Star of India is a combination of a sun and a star and a band. The centre is a five-pointed star, one point at 12 o'clock, with lines from the centre to each point and from the centre to the indentation between each point, thus giving the star a three-dimensional appearance. Around the star is a circular band… The points of the star overlap the inner edge of the band by about one third of its width, and on the band is written, 'HEAVENS LIGHT OUR GUIDE', starting at the 7 o'clock point of the star and finishing at the 5 o'clock point. Projecting beyond the band are 16 slightly wavy sun's rays, alternating with 16 slightly smaller wavy rays.”
BCCI

12. “Heidi Klum has sent us to hell”. Who on what?
SERBIAN COACH/ BELGRADE NEWSPAPER ON THE WORLD CUP DRAW AFTER BEING DRAWN WITH ARGENTINA, HOLLAND AND IVORY COAST

FINALS:
1) Montag's Blue Horse paper (the paper Ray Bradbury was writing on) and Guy Fawkes (gunpowder plot) were the inspirations behind the name of Guy Montag (Bradbury himself refered to this in his Afterword, I think) in Farenheit-451
2) Elephant
3) Escadrille Lafayette or Lafayette Squadron
4) Theodore Sturgeon wrote More than Human - Theodore Sturgeon was the inspiration for Kilgore Trout, who features in Slaughterhouse 5, amongst other books - Philip Jose Farmer wrote Venus on a Half-Shell, under the assumed name of Kilgore Trout
5) Fay Wray, Jessica Lange, Naomi Watts (all King-Kong's love interests in major Hollywood versions of the tale)
6) David Irwing, in the news for getting jailed for denying holocaust
7) Columbine High School, Littleton, Colorado
8) All titles from Book of Ecclesiastes

CONNECTS:
1) Guy Montag was the backup copy of the Book of Ecclesiastes
2) Elephant was based on Columbine High School massacre
3) Kurt Vonnegut used David Irving's book as source for Slaughterhouse Five (Dresden bombing statistics etc.)
4) King Kong fought against the Lafayette Squadron (known by the 'hat in the ring' insignia) in the last scene of the current movie

Aniruddha Dutta (adquiz.blogspot.com): 6
Bruno Mascarenhas (www.doctorbruno.com): 11
Kislay: 4
Krishna Kumar: 6
Prostetnic Vogon (davenchit.livejournal.com): 8 (including some good final cracks)
Sandeep Kumar: 2
Samanth Subramaniam: 10
Sreekanth Reddy: 15 (and 1 connect)

Pet ki Awaaz (PG advisory)

This post is dedicated to my stomach. Which comes up with the most wonderful sounds during quizzes.

Not what you are thinking.

The first time this happened was in an inter-college quiz in Delhi. We were shown a picture of the Udaipur Lake Palace and asked to identify the lake. This was a typical knowledge question (can't be worked out) and we had no clue. That's when I got this manna from my stomach - Lake Pichola it said. We wrote the answer. It was correct.

Yesterday, in another open quiz, it happened again. We were told about a Hungarian photographer, Ernest Freidmann, who had covered Spanish Civil War, WWII, Vietnam War and a few more. He was born in Hungary and then moved to Berlin/Paris and then to New York. The question was about his assumed name and why he called himself that.

We had no clue. The question passed through various teams before it reached us. The team just before us got the name right - Robert Capa. But they couldn't get the reason. It came to us and my pet (stomach) spoke again.

"He came to US, saw a poster of 'It's a Wonderful Life' and called himself after Frank Capra, which was amongst the few English words that he could make sense of", said I after hearing it from my stomach. It was correct.

Today, I have found that the real story isn't that cool, but still I got the points. All due to "pet ki awaaz".

Indigo Deli

This is long overdue.

Four of us had gone to Indigo Deli for lunch one Friday about two months back. The other three didn't have much to do, while I had to rush for a meeting after lunch. All of us were famished. Hence, we wanted a quick lunch.

Hence, we decided to skip over the starters and plunge into the main course (and fruit juices). I ordered a sandwich with pork sausage (forgot the fancy name that it had). P and A ordered similar dishes, though U decided to help himself to a fish fillet in lemon butter. Indigo Deli has a fairly large selection of side-dishes too. I ordered two fried eggs (slightly runny) while P wanted the grilled mushrooms.

Then we waited. Juices and drinks came quite in time. My green apple fizz was amazing - just the right amount of sour to go with the apple. The other drinks were quite competent too. Then we waited some more.

And waited for some more time. We talked about Bangalore and Cornerhouse to pass time. Bad idea - it is difficult to maintain composure on a hungry stomach, if all you are thinking of is Death by Chocolate and Rocky Road ice-cream with apple pie. But our wait was never-ending.

Thirty-five minutes had passed since our order and yet, there was no sign of food on our table. We had finished two bottles of mineral water and half a bottle of tabasco sauce. We had asked, pleaded, frowned and demanded our lunch.

We could see that the place was busy, but you wouldn't expect any different on a Friday afternoon. There was nothing else to do, but go up to the manager. Which U did. He offered our usual suggestion - "please bring whatever is ready, no need to wait for everything to get done.", with a dose of righteous indignation.

It worked. Forty-two minutes after the orders were placed, twenty-seven minutes after the drinks were finished and three minutes after U delivered the suggestion, we had food on our tables.

The main course was good (though it's difficult to go wrong with pork sausages). The side-orders were excellent. Especially the grilled mushrooms, served with a hint of red wine. My eggs were runny and went well with sausages. U's fish fillet was quite good also (though I would choose my sandwich over it).

The food was good, though not worth waiting three-quarters of an hour for.

However, the best of Indigo Deli was yet to come.

When we asked for our cheque, the restaurant actually brought a plate with a slice of cake for us. With 'Sorry' written with chocolate sauce. The folks actually came to us and explained why the delay occurred (some problem with both the ovens). I was sold. And the cake was sumptuous.

If a place can do this for disgruntled customers, it surely does deserve repeat visits. And positive word of mouth.

Bangalore...

...is a week in the past. But I must tell you about a story that I heard. Maverick's account of his favourite journey reminded me of it.


To cope with the traffic, people have come up with various survival strategies - apparently, people, on the way to work, order for pizza at an intersection and by the time they are at the next intersection, the pizza is waiting for them.

It took me almost an hour from Forum to Airport myself on Sunday evening. So, I can very well imagine what rush hour feels like.

Cartoon from Vasanth's blog

The Effects Of Cannabis On A Web-Based Lifestyle

No, it's nothing to do with the internet, or smoking up while blogging (though I believe research done on bloggers would throw up similar conclusions).

Web of a spider on caffeine.

from The Effects Of Cannabis On A Web-Based Lifestyle: "NETS MADE BY SPIDERS FED ON DRUG-DOSED FLIES"

Compelling research, this. For the explanation, see this.

The Betrayal of Sonic Hedgehog, by Caravangeo...

... and other paintings are displayed in one of my favourite museums, "The Museum of Depressionist Art". The museum gives space to art that has been hidden away by museums, the clergy and the state for well over a thousand years.

Depressionism, according to the landmark Johnson & Jansen "Big Book o' Art Stuff," is not limited to a single place or time. Instead it reflects the low point of an otherwise highly regarded artist's career. Picasso's "Blue Period" is a perfect example of this creative state of mind. Mrs. Mumblestoats describes it perfectly when she says "that boy was lower than an ant's bellybutton."

While in the museum, do pay homage to my favourite painting of all time, The Fog (left) by Halycon le Brume. While it's a faithful portrayal of the Breton coastline in winter, it transcends narrow geographical boundaries and stands for the stillness of one's heart. The painting could very well have been titled, "Reason I could not fly away from Delhi on March 13". Or "London 12 noon".

The museum mentions Le Brume's "trademark technique of endless washes of barely observable traces of color, Le Brume achieved a seamless color field without evident brushmarks". However, I would differ slightly with the assessment. Having known more of Le Brume's work, including the "Snowstorm" (left), I can assert that the seamless color field is merely the synthesis reached after the clash between Le Brume's broad sweep on vision and a broader sweep of his brush.

Sadly, Le Brume is almost forgotten. However, his art lives on in many surprising places. Most notably in Libya, where a Gaddafi took his "Detail of Grass" from his green series and converted it into the national flag. And Beatles made "Snowstorm" the background for their White Album.

Go have a look.

Boreback Mountains

The hype was completely unjustified. Boring, to say the least. Somnolent, to say the worst*. Don't get me wrong. I think the movie was beautiful in parts. Two or three scenes will remain etched in my mind. But that's not enough.

At the end of the day, it's but a simple love story. Two men fall in love, find themselves in a situation where they can't be with/ marry each other, and thus, meet furtively. The premise has been repeated twenty thousand times before and the treatment too doesn't have anything to offer. Even Shakespeare did similar stories himself. Many Indian films deal with the same topic - Think back to Salman Khan and Chandni in Sanam Bewafa!! Yes, I know that the context is gay cowboys in Wyoming, but neither do we understand them better, nor do we have any insight into their peculiar situation by the end of the movie**. Take the movie and put it in a Bombay slum, or in a Delhi Page 3 circuit or in an African desert, and I am sure all the dialogues and scenes can be repeated verbatim. The movie just refuses to get into the specifics.

As far as the story is concerned, the first half was boring. I know thousands of sheep moving through pine-wood makes for good art, but does it make for riveting cinema? Almost nothing happened in the movie till Randy Quaid said, "you guys wasn't gettin' paid to leave the dogs babysittin' the sheep while you stem the rose." Good stuff that.

Spoiler Warning
The best scene and the best line have been covered by many other writers, so I will not get into I wish I knew how to quit you. However, for me, the dialogue by the river was one of the standouts. Finally, Ennis (Heath Ledger) was speaking up after hearing jibes through the movie that he doesn't speak much.

The dialogue which was a huge letdown was when Ennis tells Jack (Jake Gyllenhaal) about his childhood fears. That scene is pivotal, as it explains why Ennis won't stay with Jake. However, it's done in flashback (not the most effective technique as we know what to expect) and it is too simplistic. Father shows nine-year-old a gay man's corpse and the child fears this for the rest of his life. A little unbelievable for me.

Overall, the movie was full of similar very 'underwhelming' experiences.

As some of my friends pointed out - the last scene is good. Heath Ledger closes the cupboard door with the shirts hanging on it, and we see wheat fields through the window. Very beautiful. But, as with other scenes, there was much beauty and little emotion. I would rather watch Midnight Cowboy's bus ride again and again. Just check out Jon Voight's look in the photo.

*(It might be the other way round, as well)
**Neither does the movie offer anything new, nor is this the first gay mainstream movie (as someone told me). Even if you define mainstream as Oscar winner and starring A-list actors, I will point out Philadelphia.


Anything but my favourite library

Sepia walls, muted lights, green sofas comfortably placed against the bookshelves. Some stolen moments of sleep while reading. Beginnings of conversations over Richard Dawkins and George Orwell. Very inexpensive and often well-made chicken croissant in the cafe. Rows of poetry. My favourite corner of encyclopedias, trivia and cornucopia. Cabbages & Kings, the book of incidental history.

The British Council Library on Kasturba Gandhi Marg was a safe haven. It was a delight. It was the place of pilgrimage for quizzers, amongst other groups. And, after half a day of research, you could go home with Science Fiction and a Booker Prize winner. Week on week.

That was till 2001. Then, I went to Bangalore. When I came back in October, the place was changing. September 11 had put up barricades in front of the building. The friendly guard at the gate was relegated by a hierarchy of supervisors, guaranteed to make you feel miserable. Soon, the changes moved from the merely superficial (painful that they were) to the core of the library itself.

Gone were the elaborate labyrinths of literature. In came a cybercafe, a rather large section on tripe - business books, career guides. The sepia lights were replaced by an antiseptic flouroscence. The sofas on the corners were removed. Monstrosities in clean modern lines came in - uncomfortable, uninviting and rude.

I stopped my membership. I haven't gone there in the last 3 years.

I have heard from old friends, that the old format was a place for intellectuals, book-lovers, students and other not-so-profitable segments of society. Now, those looking for a career in Britain (and willing to shell out top pounds for counselling) are the customers that flit in and out. Willing volunteers for cross-selling. Someone was also telling me that this was a move hastened by September 11, Afghanistan and Iraq.

Libraries are a classic example of public goods for me. Either you put in entry charges leading to sub-optimal consumption (Pareto non-optimality), or they lead to the free-rider problem (everyone wants to use it, but not pay enough for it!!). The externalities are also high and impossible to price (what value can you put on all the knowledge that I have got? and on the goodwill that I have in my heart for the British Council). Thus, invariably markets fail to price a library efficiently. That is when institutions like the government or the British Council need to step in and provide this good. Obviously, they need to have sufficient incentive too (votes, popularity, brand equity).

I guess the motivation of the British Council changed sometime. Not sure what the real reasons are for this. However, one thing's for sure - it's anything but my favourite library now.

Are MBA salaries worth it?

Amit Varma opines that the hue and cry about MBA salaries is misplaced. Can't agree with him more. Neither the writers nor most of the readers understand economics. Hence, they approach the issue with envy.

Every year, the same article is regurgitated by the newspapers. Most of the articles are false (with overhyped salaries, especially average salaries) anyway. I remember having read that my salary was 1.5 times what it was, when I got placed. Some of the envy is misplaced*.

Having said that, people have the right to question whether MBAs really are worth that much. They shouldn't whine, but they can definitely question.

One of my MBA friends was telling me the other day that his company (one of the largest MNCs in the world) doesn't even let him know how he has 'added value'. He's getting paid quite a lot. However, he is not satisfied. Apparently, for one year, he hasn't had an appraisal (but has got a raise). Obviously, that leads to the question of how much are MBAs worth. By an MBA himself.

By the way, for a really interesting debate (with some researched facts and piquant opinions), check this out. I was looking for an example of a 'value-adder**' MBA to put on my blog.... then I saw the name of the 1975 HBS alumni, Dubya. I think this one is a better example of a MBA adding value:

"1. Fred Smith, chairman and founder, Federal Express. Smith is a legend among MBAs because he developed the hub-and-spoke delivery concept in a business case at Harvard Business School. He got a C on the paper. He raised the most venture capital ever assembled to-date in the early 1970s -- to start an overnight competitor to the U.S. Postal Service and United Parcel Service. The company now has more" than 200,000 employees and revenues of $21 billion:
http://www.chiefexecutive.net/depts/innovators/181.htm"

And yes, he got a C.

*Though I do agree that I (and most of other MBAs) get paid well.
** I think a parody of Black Adder is on the works.

Questions Week 1

I am posting 20 questions from our first KQA Open Quiz held last Sunday in Bangalore.

Please mail me your answers on. Answers and winners will be revealed soon.

Prelim questions (1 point for every answer)
1. Danish Baig Nakhtar Baig, Bhopal; Akhil Ahmad Azmi, Azamgarh UP, born June 20, 1965; Abraham Mohsin Ali, Karachi; Usman Khan; Mohasin Ali Arsalan, Sharjah; Mohammed Anwar (son of Bibi Raza), Pakistan; Kumar Ramesh. What’s common?

2. When United Airlines filed for bankruptcy in 2002, trading in this currency was the only business that made money for them. Indeed, calculations by The Economist in January 2005 suggested that the total stock of this currency was worth more than all the dollar bills in circulation. 163 million people own this around the world. What currency?

3. Britain, in 1600; Holland, in 1602; Denmark, in 1616; France, in 1664; Sweden, in 1731. What is the series?

4. In 1987, a customer at a computer store, was looking for a simple, basic book about the difficult DOS operating system. "Something," he suggested, "like ____." This led to Dan Gookin, coming out with the book in 1991. What did he say?

5. Lazy Bones was the first one, but people tripped over it. Flashmatic used photocells and thus, sunlight could trigger it off. Space Command was the first successful one, using mechanism similar to the trigger of a gun - that stretched a spring and then released it so that a small hammer would strike the end of the aluminum rod. What is this?

6. Fans watch from an area officially known as Aorangi Park, but more commonly called ______. The "hill" takes its name from local favourite _____. The hill may be renamed as Mount Murray, or Murray Field (after the Scottish rugby stadium). Fill in the blank.

7. This project has encroached upon the environmentally sensitive Mulshi lake and Koriyagarh fort area. In 1997, HC had stayed construction. However, construction is complete now, with a Titanic and a pirate ship, amongst other grandiose-s. What project?

8. May 25th is celebrated as (among other things) World ______ Day. The entire concept came about when someone had gone to Greece on a holiday, and had a regular problem at the beach because of a missing ________, which inspired this person to create the piece of work that inspired World _______ Day. Fill in the blanks

9. How do we know 'British committee for relations with other countries' set up in 1934 better as?

10. What brand comes in the following flavours – Glutamate Grape, Beta Carroty, Sugar-Free Radical, Sero-Tonic Water?

11. The most exalted order of the star of India awarded by the Queen was an order of chivalry instituted in 1861 and discontinued in 1947. A version of the emblem still being used by one particular organization. Which?
“The Star of India is a combination of a sun and a star and a band. The centre is a five-pointed star, one point at 12 o'clock, with lines from the centre to each point and from the centre to the indentation between each point, thus giving the star a three-dimensional appearance. Around the star is a circular band… The points of the star overlap the inner edge of the band by about one third of its width, and on the band is written, 'HEAVENS LIGHT OUR GUIDE', starting at the 7 o'clock point of the star and finishing at the 5 o'clock point. Projecting beyond the band are 16 slightly wavy sun's rays, alternating with 16 slightly smaller wavy rays.”

12. “Heidi Klum has sent us to hell”. Who on what?


Final questions (1 point for every answer, 3 points for identifying a pair)
This is from a round called couples. The 8 questions are connected in 2 pairs. Answer the questions and tell me which two questions/ answers are connected to each other.




Looking forward to your questions. Also, we are planning to start the Bombay Quiz Club to encourage proper quizzing in Mumbai (instead of regurgitating old chestnuts or getting subject to certain short Bengali quizmasters in cowboy boots). First meeting will happen by end of this month. Let us know if you are interested. The size of the gathering will determine the venue.

Warzone

.~*'*+...MIMI...+*'*~.: death of an evening: "death of an evening" is an interesting saga, I happened to hit upon while surfing through a few blogs that I read.

I think Ekta Kapoor can have a look at this, next time she wants dialogues for a few of her serials. I haven't seen such bitchiness in a long time, now.

One day this will be made this into a play, by one of the characters, I am sure.

Travelblog

A new venture has been started today. Like all new ventures, I have no idea how long it will last. But, it's a start that should get advertised nevertheless!! :-)

The quiz is done, long live the quiz

Our quiz was called vicious yesterday. Also, we were told that there was a little too much of pop culture.

Which we take as a compliment. Most of the questions were worked out and often the audience got them, before the teams could. And, yes, most of our beloved questions were applauded.

We also had dedications to IIT-D, IIT-M and Sathya in our rounds. I will soon put a few of the questions up for public consumption.

Returning back to the obligatory question here, the answers are as follows:
Yes, now you know that sword fencing cannot be done with a naked body and that in a basket ball game, the basket is never 'lovered'. It might be hated but never lovered.

I need to do that North-East trip I have been postponing....

States I have been to (spent at least a day or two)

Brought to you by pratibha75, quizling and teemus.

Which states in India have you been to?

They don't want democracy, all they want is naked women...

...So?

One tame article and one good analysis. Bad news first.

NY Times has commented on the freedom of the internet in China. Although the saga looks Huxleian (The writer suggests that Chinese seem addicted to sex and soma), the examples chosen to highlight the wild scams are:

"¶A look-alike Web site pretending to be part of the Industrial and Commercial Bank of China asks visitors to enter their account passwords.

¶A Web site that calls itself Honest Company specializes in deception — selling bugging devices, machines to produce fake credit cards and tools that rig casino slot machines.

¶A pornographic Web site asks people to pay $2 a month to download sex videos and chat with other online customers in the nude.

¶A Web site advertises the sale of gamma hydroxybutyrate, a drug that acts as a relaxant and is thought to reduce inhibitions. Sometimes called a "date rape" drug, it is sold on the Web in China with instructions about how to use it to assault women."

Pretty common and familiar, no? Same as in neo-con US, new-Labour UK or for that matter, our own country. I checked out the New China News Agency site, and didn't find evidence of soft porn photographs of Gong Li and Zhou Xun that the article promised. Whatever I could see is similar to the Tabloid of India, HT, rediff etc. (okay, I take back my previous statement; these pics are porn).

In fact, the entire report seems anecdotal and withough any true insight. What's worse is the you-know-these-Chinese tone - they don't want democracy, but want to look at naked women and make money in scams.

I wish they would have dug deeper. I am sure there are stories waiting to be told of censorship against select websites and people. Currently, it looks pretty tame to me.

So that was tame, however, this is interesting. I am borrowing from the author's themselves:
"The authors conclude (1) that the Chinese government maintains an active interest in preventing users from viewing certain web content, both sexually explicit and non-sexually explicit; (2) that it has managed to configure overlapping nationwide systems to effectively -- if at times irregularly -- block such content from users who do not regularly seek to circumvent such blocking; and (3) that such blocking systems are becoming more refined even as they are likely more labor- and technology-intensive to maintain than cruder predecessors."

I also found out that while Playboy and Penthouse were banned, Hustler wasn't for educational reasons. For similar reasons, MIT, Columbia and Caltech were banned. And yes, Deep Impact (the movie) was subversive and blocked.

A good piece of analysis. Real work. The question I have is, considering the fact that this has been in public domain for long, why does NYT have to be so tame about its reports?

Quiz in Bangalore and one obligatory question...

As some of you will know by now, we are doing a quiz in Bangalore this Sunday. Arul's mail has the details:

Hi,
Two Open Quizzes will be held on 12 March 2006 (at two separate
venues).
The Wing Commander Mulky Memorial Quiz
at Canara Union, Malleswaram
Open to Teams of 4
Regn: Rs. 50/-
Prelims: 1000hrs
QM: Arul Mani

KQA's Open Quiz for March 2006
Date: 12 March 2006
Venue: Daly Memorial Hall
Open to teams of 4
Regn: Rs. 50/-
Registrations: 1300hrs

As you can see, there are two quizzes to look forward to. Our quiz might have a slight bias towards popular culture (which is saying that it won't have any focus). We promise one thing - all questions will be workable*.

To give you a preview of what not to expect (though I was tempted to put this in the quiz), please try answering this question. It's from the latest issue of the Economist, sorry, Champak.

I will post the answers in two days time (or when attempts dry out). However, do try and attempt them through comments. There are no prizes yet, but if you want something, let me know.



* which means that Derek and Parnab will probably not attend.

Us vs. Them

Positions I feel an outsider of, inspite of ostensibly being in one (or both) of the categories:
'MBA' vs. Intellectual
All Men vs. Feminists
Introvert vs. Extrovert
Delhi vs. Mumbai
Porn vs. Erotic Art
Market vs. Welfare State
Engineers vs. Liberal Arts
Unlimited Freedom vs. Constraints to Uphold That
Yuppie vs. Mass-Comm types
Fashionable vs. Bookish
Competitive vs. Helpful
'MBA' vs. Poet

His friend made the headlines

Recovered from discarded old diaries found in a trunk, for Blank Noise blog-a-thon.

Wednesday, July 10, 2003

What do you say when your best friend becomes
a newspaper headline on a morning?

...

Now, that he looked back, he saw her standing outside the house with slit wrists. “I screwed up again”, she said.

His first reaction was shock. He couldn't open the latch. A further spurt of blood from her wrists shook him out though.

His mind was racing around slasher movies and Discovery channel medical programs. The cuts were more wide than deep and blood was gasping out of her right one. He held her hand close to the wrist, trying desperately to stop the flow. Somehow, they managed to reach the fridge. Ice. After ten minutes of ice and pressure, the blood stopped.

Questions would come later. He had to cry first. They cried together.

.......

Today, he would rather that she would come to him with slashed wrists. He was 2000 miles away. And she had turned into a newspaper headline.

'____ girl raped in a moving car'.
In the morning, he had read through the pages on the website without a break. As always, once he had finished with the sports and the comics, he had but 2 minutes to look at news about his city. Crimes against women was, but, a regular feature. On an average, five every day. On good days, maybe two. Not that he didn't care. He would do something, if only he could have. But what could he?

Then at 4, the call came. "____ has been raped again." "Again?". "Yes. In the middle of the day".

His mind wasn't racing through anything at the moment. In fact, it had managed to cocoon itself completely within the narrow confines of the phone booth. He had to something. He wished he could hold her hand close to her wrist. Or something.

Once back in his room, he checked indiatimes. Which had NSUI and ABVP protesting at the 'failure of the system'. Police had made an assurance that the culprits will be found. There was an entire opinion piece on tinted glasses on car windows. He also found that she was in the hospital and cooperating with the investigation.

This wasn't the first time. She was undergoing counselling for the previous time. He had met the counsellor once. She had asked him to.

"Think of a dustbin. We keep on filling it with garbage through the day. Whenever it stinks, we close it with a lid. Then we open it and fill in some more. We keep the lid on. However, the garbage will keep on stinking. We are trying to get the garbage out now. We have to throw it out. It will stink, and it will be uncomfortable. But unless we throw it out, the dustbin will remain clogged. Ultimately, the lid will not be able to keep the stink in"

Whatever was the problem with these counsellors, he had thought. Now all he could do was stare at the dustbin at his feet. "How many times will she have to clean it?"

Then, he cried.

Best Post-Oscar line

MTV.com reports:

"It felt good," DJ Paul remembered. "I was trying to keep from looking in the crowd, because I was nervous. I didn't want none of my favorite actors to be giving me the finger."

Crash (2) and the one who went on and on

I managed to catch only one major award between my shower and breakfast, while rushing to get ready.

Actually, I should have caught at least 3 or 4 awards, but Reese Witherspoon went on and on and on.

Hence, I was in the car when I heard that Crash won. Good. I liked the film.

And finally, George Clooney attended the Oscar (and won). I am waiting for Syriana to release next week here. DVD won't do for me. For inside coverage on the Oscars, check this out.

UPDATE: Thanks, M, for pointing this out. He agrees completely with me. Scene by scene. The two stories chosen are the same. The point on Brendan Fraser and Sandra Bullock's same (though I am not glad that they are wasted!). By the way, for people who didn't like Crash in the first place, do read Foundas and feel happy.

"Do you serve c******?"

"Yes, we do. But it won't come up on the bill", said he.

"That's okay", said I, "but I will blog about it."

A great non-veg platter (Rs. 450) was the result. With lots of c*****.


As far as the food review is concerned, B.D. was okay. The interiors were kitschy - not cluttered (like Big Chill), but kind of like a drawing room. The first floor is better looking than the ground floor, but emptier. We had a group of six, so didn't really care whether the place was happening.

Food was good. Very good, in fact. Especially the platter and the tandoori prawns. Stick to the safe non-veg stuff.

However, the drinks were atrocious.

I had a Kashmir Ki Kali, which was billed as tequila, apple juice and honey combo. What I got was a salt-rimmed glass with tequila and water. Apple and Kashmir was conspicuously absent. It was strong though.

A friend of mine ordered another tequila-based drink called An Evening in Paris, which didn't have any alcohol in it. I would recommend sticking to basic whiskeys, vodkas or beers. They serve liberal amounts of nutcrackers with it.

P.S. I have a grudge against Busaba now, though. How dare they have a private party on Friday evening? I wanted to have a kaukswe yesterday.

Sweet Bengal

So, I have no problems if your shondesh is over-priced. I can pay Rs. 10 per piece in Mumbai. I don't have any major problems if you run out of inventory of norom-paak before kora-paak everytime I end up at your store. I can eat kora-paak too. I can also forgive the fact that the people behind the counter don't know a roshbhora from a kheer kodom*. I do. So I don't need extra information.

I, DO MIND however, if I land up at your place at 9:30 and am refused shondesh.

I won't believe that your shop is closed.

Firstly, you have this board outside which says "discounts after 9 pm on select sweets". Then you have the shop open with lights and all.... Okay, I agree that you can't really close the counters below the staircase and hence, can't really differentiate between open and closed.
Your misfortune is that I have this strange idiosyncracy. If I see people behind a counter in a shop and products displayed under bright lights, I assume that the shop is still open.

So, I decided to walk into Sweet Bengal, this counter-under-a-staircase in Phoenix Mills (sandwiched between Provogue and Copper Chimney), which has opened a couple of months back. My idol tells me that it has been opened by the same people who used to run Only Fish and Mainland China. A Bengali couple.

As you can see, by this other report, the prices aren't cheap. Rs. 13 for a noren gurer shondesh, for Mick Foley's sake! However, even though I was willing to bear the burden, I was refused shondesh.

"So, I want four pieces noren gurer shondesh and four dorbesh" (I was with my team)
We are met by vacuous stares emanating from the two people behind the counter. So, I repeat my request.

A third person, who was busy on the phone, decides to respond.
"Ek minute, hold kor.... Sir, we are closed for the day"
"How come? I can see sweets there"
"No sir, those are in a tray"

Yes, as opposed to, in my mouth, which is where they should be.

"I can see that. Can you put them in a plate and give it to us?
"No sir, once the sweet goes into a tray, we are closed."

"You can't be serious. I want to eat shondesh."
"Sir, tomorrow morning 10:30."

"No, today. You have the sweets, I have the money. What's the problem?"
"Sir, we have taken a stock-check. I can't now take it out of the tray."

"But, won't the sweets get spoiled if I don't eat them now?" (I'm not fibbing. Most probably, they will)
"Sir, that's okay. We have already told the manager our closing stock"

That was from one of the gentlemen behind the counter. Who Santa won't forgive this year.

"I don't care. I need to eat now. You give me the manager's number. You can't be wasting food like this. This is not closing stock. It is intermediate consumption for me. I am having it."
"Sir, why don't you have the chanar payesh? We have not yet closed that stock."

Now, no self-respecting shondesh lover could have put noren gurer shondesh and chanar payesh in the same category*. This I won't forgive. The Marathis accompanying me did not understand.

"No, it's not an 'either-or'. We want shondesh."

The three men in the shop were in for a 15-round bout. I am not leaving in a hurry. I was just about going to propose talking to their manager as a solution, when they decided that they can't win the battle.
"Okay, sir, take it."

Four shondesh, four dorbesh, one bowl of payesh (for my team-mates) and four minutes later, we left the place.

I don't know whether this is a Bong thing, but I refuse to believe that any other shop would be so callous about making money. If this could happen in Bombay, what's the scene in Kolkata looking like?

Though, the funny thing is, I won't probably complain there. At least the prices are between Rs. 3 and 10. Even for a new shop, Vien, on Shakespeare Sarani. Furthermore, they won't recommend Chanar Payesh to me, for sure.

*For those of you who don't understand, chanar payesh is normally made from old stock - probably the same closing stock that shops like Sweet Bengal hoard away in the middle of the day. Old rossogola, kheer kodom, don't know what else is either converted into chanar payesh or kheerer jilipi, to mask their age.


UPDATE: for those of you who don't know shondesh (nobody's perfect) - do read this.

BUSH MOVING, Stay Out of Way*

Got this via mail yesterday. Am probably posting it a day late. 2 amazing things about this itinerary:
1) Bush is going to spend one and a half hours in Hyderabad. Barely will he get a chance to have any Biryani there, will he?
2) The last line of this mail. Delicious, when public service messages come with a hint of irony.

DAY 1: March 1, Wednesday

7.30 pm: Bush lands in Delhi. Travels from airport to Maurya Sheraton hotel on Sardar Patel Marg by road AVOID: Airport, National Highway 8, Delhi Cantonment, Rao Tula Ram Marg, Dhaula Kuan and Sardar Patel Marg

DAY 2: March 2, Thursday

8.30 am: Reception at Rashtrapati Bhawan AVOID: Sardar Patel Marg, Chanakyapuri roads 9.30 am: Reaches Rajghat AVOID: Chanakyapuri, India Gate and all connecting roads, Connaught Place, Tilak Marg, ITO, Bahadur Shah Zafar Marg, Mandi House, Jawaharlal Nehru Marg, Sikandra Road, Delhi Gate, Ring Road 10.45 am: Drives to Hyderabad House for talks AVOID: Ring Road near Rajghat, Jawaharlal Nehru Marg, Bahadur Shah Zafar Marg, ITO, Tilak Marg, Vikas Marg, IP Marg, Mandi House, Sikandra Road, India Gate and all connecting roads 1 pm: Goes to Taj Palace Hotel for lunch AVOID: New Delhi area 5 pm: Visits Purana Quila and goes back to hotel AVOID: Sardar Patel Marg, Chanakyapuri area, India Gate and all connecting roads, Connaught Place, Tilak Marg, ITO, Bahadur Shah Zafar Marg, Mandi House, Jawaharlal Nehru Marg, Sikandra Road, Delhi Gate, Ring Road, Bhairon Road, NH-24 8 pm: Reception at Rashtrapati Bhawan AVOID: Sardar Patel Marg, Chanakyapuri roads 10 pm: Moves back to hotel to retire for the night AVOID: Sardar Patel Marg, Chanakyapuri roads

DAY 3: March 3, Friday

8.30 am: Visits Roosevelt House AVOID: Chanakyapuri 10 am: Goes to Hyderabad AVOID: Airport, National Highway 8, Delhi Cantonment, Rao Tula Ram Marg, Dhaula Kuan and Sardar Patel Marg 4.30 pm: Returns to Delhi AVOID: Airport, National Highway 8, Delhi Cantonment, Rao Tula Ram Marg, Dhaula Kuan and Sardar Patel Marg 5.30 pm: Goes to Vigyan Bhawan and moves back to hotel for dinner AVOID: Sardar Patel Marg, Chanakyapuri area, New Delhi area, India Gate and all connecting roads, Connaught Place

DAY 4: March 4, Saturday

8.30 am: Leaves for Pakistan AVOID: Airport, National Highway 8, Delhi Cantonment, Rao Tula Ram Marg, Dhaula Kuan and Sardar Patel Marg (The travel plans of such supersensitive dignitaries are subject to change .)

As you can see, no shopping at Dilli Haat for Dubya.

* The title of this mail has been copied word for word.