I used to sit on the 21st floor. Now I am retired

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Even Hell's fury shouldn't be this bad

  1. Put up a huge billboard next to Steven's office telling everyone what a lying, cheatin, scumbag he is. Pay for the billboard using Steven's money.
  2. Hand out the entire wine collection that Steven has built over the years to hard-working landscapers in the neighbourhood.
  3. Hand out flyers saying Lost Dog, with Steven's photo, all over NYC.
  4. Waive A-Rod and Pujols off the fantasy baseball team and signed up players from the disabled list. Ouch!
  5. Kill Steven's 38-year old teddy bear in Reservoir Dog fashion.
  6. Pawn the engagement ring and get clothes, Pilates sessions, male masseuse and a 40" flat screen TV.
  7. Take the entire porn collection and send it across to the parents with a note, "Am storing this for a while. Feel free to watch at leisure." No, wait. Add a naked Polaroid of Steven tied to four bedposts.
This is what Emily, Steven's wife, did when she found out that Steven was cheating on him. I don't have anything to add. (Hat tip: Milo)

Update: There's no truth in this world. (Hat-tip: Sashi)

6 Comments:

Blogger Elysia said...

I like this woman... :D Have been reading your blog for some time now. Your productivity seems to have shot up in the weekend.

Monday, July 24, 2006 2:21:00 AM

 
Blogger Falstaff said...

Nice. Though I think number 5 is in bad taste. It's not fair to take out your feelings against a person on his / her teddy bear. I think there's even some stuff in the Geneva convention about it.

Monday, July 24, 2006 4:20:00 AM

 
Blogger dhoomketu said...

Elysia, I am scared of this woman. And yes, productivity is restricted to weekends these days.

Falstaff, I agree with your observations on the teddy bear. If the Geneva Convention doesn't cover it, then I demand an amendment. Though, I was more perturbed by the Fantasy Baseball thing. I guess different people have different hobbies.

Monday, July 24, 2006 4:52:00 AM

 
Anonymous sashi said...

Dhoomketu, a simple Google search revealed that this might be a fake blog set up to drum interest for an upcoming Court TV show via viral marketing et al.

http://wizbangblog.com/2006/07/19/more-debunking-of-that-girl-emily.php

That said the nastiness is quite beliveable.

Monday, July 24, 2006 6:28:00 PM

 
Blogger dhoomketu said...

Thanks Sashi, I am relieved and disappointed at the same time.

Monday, July 24, 2006 9:24:00 PM

 
Blogger Falstaff said...

dhoomk2 / sashi: I don't know that it matters much whether someone actually did this or not. After all, it's the thought that counts. Now if only someone could confirm that no actual teddy bears were hurt in the making of that post.

Monday, July 24, 2006 11:31:00 PM

 

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