I used to sit on the 21st floor. Now I am retired

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Sirf Saat Sur

"Eventually all music is permutations and combinations of those same seven notes. No music director is original, but I became a favourite whipping boy to the press" says Anu Malik. He would be thinking hard as to what this nonsense about Kavya Vishwanathan is. After all, "There are only seven musical notes. There cannot be more. It is natural to follow a certain musical sensibility, at least some of the times if not all"[here]

So Person A caught Person B using certain probable 'permutations and combinations' here. How that exchange lead to a dialogue from an absurd play is quite inexplicable, at least for those like me who came in late. However, I have decided to get inspired by the same dialogue and write a story myself. Please do read this before going on.

Sirf Saat Sur (with apologies to Anushka and Kavya)
Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan woke up this morning with a strong headache. He had been watching episodes of The Small Wonder throughout last night. Now he had an headache.

"I hate and loathe it when foolish immatured kids try to sound american with words like wotcha , eh, gonna, wanna, gotcha, jeez and phrase their sentences to sound american...cool you know! They are like dhobhis...in the end."
Suddenly, the bell rang. It was his dhobi.

He was wearing a cool cap, spoke in a nasal twang and had curly hair. He had shaved, and thus, didn't look anything like Himesh Reshammiya. He handed over the starched shalwar to Nusrat. Nusrat extended his hand down below, took out a five rupee note and said, "Keep the change".
The dhobi said, "Jeez, Dun'ave change. Wotcha gonna do, eh?" and disappeared into a puff of 'American cool'.

Suddenly, a call came from a call centre operator. Nusrat got angry and wanted to keep down the phone, when the guy started singing, "Mera Piya Ghar Aaya". The Anu Malik version.
Nusrat thought, "These clones bare no responsibility...after all they all belong to the creative line!!!"
He had thought aloud (in bold). The song stopped. Bare silence followed.

"Do you want to find out what it feels like to work in call centre?... My friends... Most of these people are working in call centers and are on receiving end of alot of irate calls . Not to forget they make a total fool of themselves also. As people get laid off in call centers all the time. They cant even do such simple tasks.

Now why do they work in call centers ? They work in call centers because their fed-up parents have stopped providing them money. Why cant they get a decent education to get a lucrative job? No they wont...coz they all want to be writers, designers, actors."

Nusrat could empathise. He was sent out of his home by his parents when he was a young boy, as he wanted to become an actor. A villain in Hindi Movies. His parents had stopped providing him money. People have no place to keep trash in their houses.

Nusrat had to then call up millions of directors and go for audition tests. Often, he made a fool of himself. He also got irate calls. He especially remembered one director, who had promised him a role, for which he lost weight. Then, one day he lost so much weight that he started looking like the hero instead. The director was irate. He had to find a new guy, somebody called Amjad Khan.
That's when Nusrat's life changed. In dejection, he became one of 'them'. They, who do not want to do anything in life, just sit in front of the mirror if they aspire to become an actress. Nusrat even tried to become an actress. His name was suited for the part. He also was fairly clean-shaven and long-haired. But his looks wasn't upto the mark. Reality is that no one wants to look at 'them'. When his efforts to become a villain, or even an actress didn't work out, he decided to enter fashion designing. He changed his name to JJ Valaya. However, he didn't know that their clothes wont be sold on the road side stalls also!! After all even common man has some good taste. Again, a failure. Now, the only thing left to do was sing. So he decided that he must start singing for his supper.....

He was woken up from his reverie by the call center again. It was Anu Malik singing, "Chale jaise hawaayein..." Sounded suspiciously similiar to a familiar permutation of notes.

I can go on a little bit more. But I must stop. As, there can only be a few Arundhati Roys , Shobha Des, Manish Malhotras and Rohit Bals in a huge crowd. Not every tom, dick, harry and harriets can be like them . They are not even a shade of their shadows.


By the way, Maverick has dug up Kavya's Harvard Essay, where she unconsciously has quoted some more authors. Seems like she had taste earlier. Now, she only has Cosmo.

On the topic of college essays, I wish I could write like this. "Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets. I am the subject of numerous documentaries." True creativity.


Blogger shrik said...

I suppose plagiarising can be creative when nobody realizes it's plagiarism.

Defending a village from a horde of ants using only a hoe and a large glass of water? Taken from a short story called "Leiningen vs The Ants"

Wednesday, April 26, 2006 10:32:00 AM

Blogger dhoomketu said...

Good point, I guess.

Except that in this case, there are other obvious references to literature and arts (plus, it's brilliant!)

Wednesday, April 26, 2006 11:35:00 AM

Blogger Mr. D said...

NOW, my borther, you've made it.

Thursday, April 27, 2006 7:21:00 AM

Blogger Shilpa said...

ROFL!!!:)))) This does it. I shalt link to thou:D

Thursday, April 27, 2006 9:18:00 AM

Blogger Bobin said...

LOL Dhoomketu!! :)))))) This is awesome stuff (Oops, that is two 'American' words there!!) But hey, you know what, she really IS creative. I mean, to come up with phrases like "joyride world", you reaaaaally need to be creative!! :)


Thursday, April 27, 2006 9:25:00 AM

Blogger Vijayeta said...

Oh God! Hilarious. Esp. the JJ Valaya bit :p He's on my list of "people you cant figure."
And all support for Person A!

Monday, May 01, 2006 3:11:00 AM

Blogger dhoomketu said...

Dibyo, Shilpa, Bobin, Vijayeta, Thanks! Btw, somebody came to my site the other day from copyscape after searching for copies of 'rediscoverjoysoflife'.... Wonder who??

Monday, May 01, 2006 5:20:00 AM

Blogger Shilpa said...

hyuck hyuck..May have been one of the Anu's, DK2. Which one? Your guess is as good as mine:D

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 1:44:00 AM

Blogger Piyush said...

Really good one dhoomketu. So you "bared" the responsibility after all for bringing few good laughs to all of us "immatured" kids :)

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 3:47:00 AM

Blogger dhoomketu said...

Thanks Piyush, I guess I will grin and bare it.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 9:42:00 AM


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