I used to sit on the 21st floor. Now I am retired

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Passenger profiling

If you travel as frequently as I do, then you would feel about this the same way.

One of the most irritating things about travelling is the insensitive and stupid fellow passengers. The ones who don't respect any rules, binge on free drinks and throw namkeen on the floor. The ones who would wait till the food trolley is between the aisles and then get up to go through the loos. The ones who would talk back rudely to air hostesses who ask them to wear their seatbelts in time.

The ones who would sneakily wear the seatbelts as loosely as possible, as if to prove a massive point, and take them off the moment the airplane takes off. The ones who would refuse to put their seatbacks upright, especially when you are eating. The ones who would actually move your hand luggage to some other bin to make space for their twenty kgs of alphonso mango crate or their half-yearly shopping of groceries. The ones who would not even do that and just crush your bag underneath the shopping.

The ones who would refuse to form lines anywhere, even when there's only space for one person to enter through the metal detector at one time. The ones who would crowd around the entrance of the bus taking you to the plane or from it, therefore, not letting others get on. Yes, these ones pain me the most.

Plus, the ones which really get my goat are those loud boorish individuals who need to make calls till the plane takes off. The ones whose phone get "Welcome to Cellphone Network" messages before the plane lands.

Actually while I am at this, let me also talk about the ones who take more than their share of sweets from the tray, hoard on imli golis, ensuring it gets over and all I am left with is Alpenliebe. The ones who talk loudly. The ones who bring suspiciously ill-mannered kids, who distract attention through their loud cries. The ones who snore on the plane, especially on red-eye flights, not letting you sleep a wink. The ones who put their large hands on the armrest, sometimes even encroaching into your seat, making sure that the entire flight feels like a sumo-wrestling match. The ones who put cotton in the ear, a singularly irritiating gesture. The ones on the window seat, who drink tea or coffee, and reach their cups out in front of the middle seat, putting the hapless passenger in danger of getting burned. The ones who take newspapers from every seat pocket and hoard them on their laps. The ones who make faces when asked to share them.

Just going by bad behaviour alone, they look like malignants. Cretins. Possible security threats (and I am not talking of hot coffee alone). Good things is that now, I know what to do with them. Put them in handcuffs like common criminals and treat them inhumanely.

Update: I forgot to mention one other kind of stupid men: Men who are dressed in shalwar kameez - traditional long shirts and baggy pants.


Anonymous Just Mohit said...

"The ones who would not talk back rudely to air hostesses who ask them to wear their seatbelts in time"

I think you meant "The ones who would talk back rudely to air hostesses who ask them to wear their seatbelts in time"

Saturday, August 26, 2006 2:36:00 PM

Blogger Anamika Anyone said...

You're post only deals with air travel woes..Its much much worse in trains.Thats where our meanest survival instincts pop up(mine atleast).
Anyhow,it takes all kinds. I would say, grin and bear it, and if you can't...take out their eyeballs in your mind and revel in their screams of pain ;)

Saturday, August 26, 2006 10:57:00 PM

Blogger Sam-BoB_ShNEIDer said...

u forgot fat men who talk loudly with their wives!
and the ones who prefer not to use a spoon and fork!

its a take it or leave it situation with these airliners ent it?

welcome to "crapy service airliner...."


Saturday, August 26, 2006 11:07:00 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funny. Right until the last few lines, I thought it was another pointless crib-session.


Sunday, August 27, 2006 12:16:00 AM

Blogger J. Alfred Prufrock said...

Your tolerance and sweet nature must be a byword in the aviation industry.


Sunday, August 27, 2006 2:12:00 AM

Blogger dhoomketu said...

Thanks Just Mohit, made the change.

Anamika anyone, agree on trains, especially Bombay, but haven't heard of people getting handcuffed for meanest survival instincts in trains yet.

Sam, why fat men. I have seen think men talking loudly to their wives as well. Plus, somehow, I am getting the feeling that somehow the sarcasm of the article was lost.

Anon/ Dunbar, finally, someone. Thanks!!

J.A.P., :-). Yes, 22nd floor has this theme, doesn't it?

Sunday, August 27, 2006 2:43:00 AM

Blogger IdeaSmith said...

Yearrrggghhh....looks like someone's had a spectacularly bad trip recently. How about the boorish behaviour of the flight crew? On an Air India flight recently we (the passangers) were accosted by a shrieking banshee who paraded up and down the aisles, ordering us to 'put our feet in', 'sit straight', 'not talk loudly'...all while throwing the food into our laps. Did I mention, she was wearing the AI airhostess uniform too...guess it served to hide her forked tail and horns well.

Sunday, August 27, 2006 2:58:00 AM

Blogger corporate whore said...

Alphonso mangoes. hahahahahahahhahahahahaha...

and DK2, your mix of righteous anger and sarcasm is why we read this blog, so dont worry.

Sunday, August 27, 2006 9:14:00 PM

Blogger ggop said...

Now all you need to do is claim these annoying people are behaving suspiciously. :)

Monday, August 28, 2006 10:54:00 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're welcome.


Tuesday, August 29, 2006 9:39:00 AM


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